{"id":632,"date":"2009-11-01T02:00:26","date_gmt":"2009-11-01T09:00:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.glorajean.com\/content\/?p=632"},"modified":"2009-11-01T02:00:26","modified_gmt":"2009-11-01T09:00:26","slug":"vaun-clark-byu-engineering-student","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.glorajean.com\/content\/?p=632","title":{"rendered":"Vaun Clark, BYU Engineering Student"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dedicated to my friend Vaun, who vehemently denies this story and wishes I’d quit telling it.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Once, on an ordinary day at the Wilkinson Student Center, located on the campus of Brigham Young University, an engineering student sat at a table quietly eating his lunch. As he sat contemplating the composition of the macaroni salad (and specifically marveling at how the ingredients held their texture while withstanding the forces of the moisture provided by the mayonnaise), he failed to swallow properly and unfortunately, met an early demise.<\/p>\n

In the next moment found himself standing atop a cloud, surrounded by the most beautiful blue sky. He heard harp music, and when he turned to see from where it was coming, he found that he was in the back of a small line to enter the Pearly Gates.<\/p>\n

After waiting a very few\u00a0short minutes, his turn arrived. There at a podium beside the gate was Saint Peter, who greeted him warmly. Peter apologized for the delay, which the young man appreciated very much even though it had not been a long wait at all. Peter then explained that the Lord Himself usually attended the gate, but today He had been called away on some urgent business and had asked Saint Peter to fill in. He then asked the young man to state his name, last name first.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy name is Clark. Vaun Clark.\u201d<\/p>\n

Peter began flipping through the pages of the massive Book of Life, heading for the section labeled \u201cC.\u201d<\/p>\n

Puffing his chest out just a touch, Vaun added, \u201cI\u2019m a\u00a0– that is I was\u00a0a BYU engineering student.\u201d<\/p>\n

Saint Peter quickly shut the Book of Life closed, and exclaimed, \u201cThat is all I needed to hear! We never turn away a BYU engineering student! I don\u2019t even need to check the book – come on in!\u201d With that, he swung open the Pearly Gates, and added, \u201cMake yourself at home, Brother Clark!\u201d<\/p>\n

Vaun entered Heaven, taking each step slowly and deliberately as he attempted to capture every detail to his memory. As his feet stepped onto the street paved in gold, he admired the indescribable beauty of everything around him.<\/p>\n

Very soon, Vaun found himself drawn to the Heavenly library. He entered, and browsed the selection of books. Eventually he found a book entitled \u201cHow to Build Your Own Universe,\u201d settled into a comfortable chair, and began reading.<\/p>\n

Some time later, he was disrupted from his study by a tap on his shoulder. He turned to see Saint Peter standing by him. Vaun noticed that Peter\u2019s countenance was visibly different than it had been earlier. \u201cWhat\u2019s up, Peter?\u201d Vaun asked cautiously.<\/p>\n

Saint Peter began speaking, but avoided making much eye contact as he said \u201cBrother Clark, I hope you are enjoying yourself here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI am very much. Thank you for asking, Saint Peter!\u201d Vaun responded, sensing some bad news was about to be delivered.<\/p>\n

Saint Peter stood for a moment in awkward silence. He seemed to be ready to say something, then just as quickly stopped himself before any words came out. After several false starts, he sighed heavily, dropping his head and shoulders. \u201cBrother Clark,\u201d he began. \u201cThere is no easy way to say this. After you entered Heaven, I did go ahead and open the Book of Life – because I had to formally check you in.\u201d<\/p>\n

He paused, as though he hoped Vaun would take over the conversation. Vaun did not say anything, and so Saint Peter eventually continued. \u201cI turned to the page where your name should have been. It was not there.\u201d<\/p>\n

Again he paused, allowing Vaun to realize the words just spoken. Vaun defensively replied, \u201cBut I am a BYU engineering student!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, yes! I know!\u201d agreed Saint Peter. \u201cWe have never in the history of the Kingdom turned away a BYU engineering student. I was as stunned as you are! But I looked three times, and you name was simply not written in the Book of Life.\u201d<\/p>\n

Again, they both paused, lost in thought. Vaun finally asked the question that he feared he already understood the answer to. \u201cSo, what does this mean?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt means\u2026\u201d Peter trailed off. He hesitated, sighed, then started again. \u201cIt means that you\u2019ll have to follow me as I escort you out of Heaven.\u201d Saint Peter added, \u201cBrother Clark, I am so sorry!\u201d<\/p>\n

Vaun slowly closed the book he held, and set it down on a table nearby. He quietly rose from the chair, and followed as Saint Peter lead him out of the library, down the street, and back\u00a0to the front entrance. Peter held the gate open for him, and Vaun stepped slowly through it.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo where do I go now?\u201d asked Vaun.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, you go that direction,\u201d replied Peter, as he pointed toward a staircase leading downward.<\/p>\n

Vaun moved slowly toward the staircase, and as he stepped down on the first step, he heard Peter call out behind him, \u201cAgain, Brother Clark, I am truly sorry for the mix up.\u201d Vaun was too lost in his disappointment to respond. He just continued downward, one step at a time.<\/p>\n

The stairway lead downward for quite some time. Vaun became interested in the support beams used, and how the hand railings had been so well hung where there was so little to properly secure them to. He became so interested in his surroundings that he almost didn\u2019t notice the rising temperature with every step.<\/p>\n

Eventually, he reached the bottom. He stepped off to an unlevel rocky surface, surrounded on all sides by dark, burnt looking stone structures which formed a long passageway. There was quite a long line of new arrivals, and so he took his place in line and waited.<\/p>\n

After nearly nine hours of standing in line, he finally reached the desk. There stood Lucifer, frazzled and out of patience. \u201cName!\u201d he demanded without bothering to look up.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy name is Clark. Vaun Clark.\u201d<\/p>\n

Beelzebub started hunting through unorganized files scattered about his desk.<\/p>\n

Lost in his thoughts and disappointment, he added in a barely audible voice, \u201cI\u2019m a BYU engineering student.\u201d<\/p>\n

Although his comment was spoken to no one in particular, Old Scratch took notice. He stopped looking at paperwork, and looked Vaun in the eyes. \u201cWhat did you say again?\u201d<\/p>\n

Vaun shook off the depression he was feeling, and repeated, \u201cI\u2019m a BYU engineering student.\u201d<\/p>\n

Lucifer stood frozen, simply staring at Vaun. Then, without warning, he threw the file folders that he had been handling, and put on a small temper tantrum. He yelled, \u201cI have no time for games, Mr. Clark. You don\u2019t belong here. Go upstairs!\u201d<\/p>\n

Vaun became defensive. \u201cI was just upstairs. They sent me down here.\u201d<\/p>\n

Satan jumped about kicking over his chair and several file folders. \u201cWhat am I supposed to do you with you! I\u2019ve never had a BYU engineering student come here! I don\u2019t have any place for you to go! I simply don\u2019t have time for this!\u201d<\/p>\n

Vaun was a bit amused by the fit of anger that the Adversary was displaying. Vaun could tell that this might take a while, and he was already tired from standing in line for so long. He boldly offered a suggestion. \u201cPerhaps I could just go inside and look around. I\u2019m pretty good at busying myself. Perhaps I can find somewhere to go or something to do on my own?\u201d<\/p>\n

Satan considered the idea, then agreed that would be fine. He extended his pitchfork and pulled the gates of\u00a0 Hades open. \u201cYes, that will get you out of my hair for awhile. Go on inside and do whatever it is you do. I\u2019ll find you later after I have had time to think of an assignment for you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Vaun began walking in, and heard Satan continue to mutter his thoughts out loud. \u201cI have no idea why they sent me a BYU engineering student. Must be somebody\u2019s idea of a practical joke\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Vaun found the differences between the two locations very startling. Here, the ground was uneven and hard to negotiate. The caverns that he walked through were very dimly lit by a lake of fire and brimstone. As he continued, he found miserable souls carrying boulders around, sweating, stumbling, and struggling in the dark and dangerous conditions. \u00a0He found the combination of heat and humidity almost unbearable as he climbed and descended the rough terrain.<\/p>\n

After a while, he realized that Satan had not come to find him, and so he made his way back to the front gate. Satan was still there, working through is unorganized filing system to try to check souls in. He pushed on the gate to attempt to exit, but the gate would not budge. So he called through the bars to the Evil Spirit, \u201cExcuse me, Mr. Satan, sir?\u201d<\/p>\n

The old Serpent spun around in a rage, yelling, \u201cWHAT DO YOU WANT?!\u201d He squinted and strained to see Vaun through the darkness, and calmed down somewhat when he recognized him. \u201cOh, it\u2019s my BYU engineer. Look, I still don\u2019t know what to do with you, so just don\u2019t bother me, OK?\u201d<\/p>\n

Vaun courageously replied, \u201cSir, that is what I have come to talk to you about. You see, I\u2019ve been exploring, and studying the structures that you have here in the place of torment. I\u2019ve noticed that it is uncomfortably hot here, and so I think I have come up with a working plan to build an air conditioning system.\u201d<\/p>\n

The foul fiend\u00a0was about to yell at him again to get lost, but then the words Vaun was saying sunk in. This soul was not only volunteering to work, but had a project that would benefit everyone else! Nothing like this had ever been tried before! He considered carefully, and asked, \u201cAre you sure that you can do that?\u201d<\/p>\n

Vaun agreed that he thought he could, and asked him for a piece of paper and a pencil so he might show off his plans. Satan turned over a file folder, and watched with interest as Vaun began to sketch his idea out. As he drew, he explained to Satan how the structures of the caverns appeared that they might be able to attach some hanging supports, and what materials he had seen that could serve as duct work. He wrote a list on the side of the materials that he was looking for to begin construction, and Satan called in his top assistant. \u201cVaun, this is Cain,\u201d he introduced. \u201cCain will get you any of these materials that you need. You make that your assignment.\u201d<\/p>\n

With Cain\u2019s help in obtaining supplies, Vaun went to work on the project. Over several weeks the duct work was installed, and soon thereafter the compressor was built. After a few months of labor, Satan stood by and watched as Vaun flipped the switch to turn it on.<\/p>\n

\u201cAmazing! Remarkable! I never knew this was possible!\u201d Satan exclaimed gleefully as the cool air began to flow through the land of misery. The residents let out a cheer.<\/p>\n

But Vaun was not satisfied. \u201cMr. Satan, sir? If I may have another word with you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSpeak, my boy, speak!\u201d responded the evil genius.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, Sir, as I was installing the duct work, it was very difficult for me to do because of the poor lighting. As you know, that lake of fire and brimstone does not cast off a lot of light.\u201d<\/p>\n

Satan became visibly excited at this conversation. \u201cYes, go on!\u201d<\/p>\n

Vaun continued, \u201cI believe I could design some florescent lighting and really brighten up the place.\u201d<\/p>\n

Satan was elated. \u201cYes, my BYU engineering student, yes! Anything you want, you have Cain get the supplies for you and go to work!\u201d<\/p>\n

And so Vaun went right to work on wiring an electrical system. As he had done with the air conditioning, he had to improvise a bit on some of the materials that he was used to on earth but did not have here. Building a power source was the most difficult task, but by capturing the thermo-energy emitted from the lake of fire and brimstone, he overcame the challenge.<\/p>\n

After many months of work,\u00a0the Prince of Darkness\u00a0called for grand lighting ceremony. All the cool and comfortable inhabitants gathered together to witness as the switch was flipped, and the lights were found to work flawlessly. Another great cheer was released by the masses, and Vaun was hailed as a hero!<\/p>\n

But before the archenemy could began a speech of lavish praise about his engineer, Vaun surprised him yet again. \u201cMr. Satan, Sir. If I may speak to you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, my boy, please!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAs I was installing the lighting, I noticed something about\u00a0the tortured souls here. Although they are much cooler now, they still are forced to carry large boulders around. I would like to install moving sidewalks\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Without allowing Vaun to finish, Satan called Cain over and declared \u201cCain will see to it that you have what you need!\u00a0Now go to work!\u201d<\/p>\n

And so it continued. The moving sidewalks were installed, and some escalators too. Vaun created a new bar-coded electronic filing system for check in of new arrivals. At every turn, Vaun continued to surprise Old Scratch with new ideas, and Cain was always there to lend a hand and fetch supplies. With Vaun\u2019s humble service, soon the underworld became a very comfortable place to dwell.<\/p>\n

One day much later the Lord noticed Satan nearby the fence line of the properties and stepped over to say hello. Satan seemed to be eating something. “What have you got there, Lucifer?”<\/p>\n

“A snow cone! It is delicious!” Lucifer replied, while taking another lick.<\/p>\n

The Lord commented, \u201cI\u2019ve noticed some activity going on your side of the fence.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d Satan agreed. \u201cWe\u2019ve been quite busy making improvements over here.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cVery interesting,\u201d the Lord replied suspiciously.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, and I\u2019ve got to thank you for sending that BYU engineering student over to us. He has been working miracles down here! Morale is up, and leisure time has increased by\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWait a minute,\u201d the Lord interrupted. \u201cWho did you say that we sent over?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was a young fellow by the name of Clark. He was a BYU engineering student before his demise.\u201d<\/p>\n

The Lord retorted, \u201cThere must have been a mistake! He should have never been sent to you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell,\u00a0you guys did sent him to me.\u201d\u00a0the Author of Evil replied smugly.<\/p>\n

With wrath beginning to be kindled, the Lord demanded, \u201cYou must send him back immediately!\u201d<\/p>\n

Satan became defensive, \u201cWe won\u2019t do any such thing. Your people sent him to me, and I\u2019m keeping him!\u201d<\/p>\n

Seeing they were at an impasse, the Lord replied, \u201cI suppose I\u2019m going to have to take you to court then.\u201d<\/p>\n

Old Scratch laughed loudly, and retorted, \u201cYeah, right. You do that!\u201d<\/p>\n

The Lord responded firmly, \u201cOh, I will!\u201d<\/p>\n

Lucifer scoffed.\u00a0\u201cAnd just where do you think that you are going to find a lawyer?\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Once, on an ordinary day at the Wilkinson Student Center, located on the campus of Brigham Young University, an engineering student sat at a table quietly eating his lunch. As he sat contemplating the composition of the macaroni salad (and specifically marveling at how the ingredients held their texture while withstanding the forces of the moisture provided by the mayonnaise), he failed to swallow properly and unfortunately, met an early demise.<\/p>\n

In the next moment found himself standing atop a cloud, surrounded by the most beautiful blue sky. He heard harp music, and when he turned to see from where it was coming, he found that he was in the back of a very short line to enter the Pearly Gates.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,6],"tags":[43,92],"class_list":["post-632","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-only-the-best","category-ryans-posts","tag-fiction","tag-religion"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.glorajean.com\/content\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/632","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.glorajean.com\/content\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.glorajean.com\/content\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.glorajean.com\/content\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.glorajean.com\/content\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=632"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.glorajean.com\/content\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/632\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.glorajean.com\/content\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=632"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.glorajean.com\/content\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=632"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.glorajean.com\/content\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=632"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}