Hello. My name is Ryan.
And I have an addiction.
If you were to look into my garbage can, you would find dozens and dozens of Coke caps. I cannot hide the evidence, so I decided to come clean.
But wait! Now, it is not what you think. Probably.
See, I don’t drink the stuff myself! I promise! (well, except for two – two are mine, over a time period of about two-and-a-half months)
Instead, I collect the caps. At least long enough to enter the codes.
Well, you see, there is this strange secret code printed on the bottom of every bottle cap. Leftover spy codes from World War II, I think. The codes make no sense.
Well, for example, codes like this one: NPH6B7HT6950. You take these codes, and you go to the website, and you type them in. And for every cap code you type in, they give you back three “points.”
If you are fortunate enough to find a cardboard box that holds 12 cans of liquid calories, you find a code with 15 characters and it is worth 10 points! And if you get the ultimate prize, the shrink wrap from a 24 pack of the fancy bottle tap water that they sell, you get 20 points!
(But don’t you dare think that you can go stealing that code I wrote out above. It is MINE, MINE, MINE! I claim the random nonsense of characters as my own! You can’t have it! Besides, I’ve already spent it!)
With all these points, you get, um, stuff. You can pick from a large selection of things that you don’t really need from their website. Redeem points for stuff.
So if I don’t drink it, how do I get the caps and points? I have carefully trained my co-workers to hold onto their caps, convincing them that they can’t individually collect enough caps to get anything worthwhile, and that it is not worth their time to enter the silly nonsense codes onto a website (but it somehow worth mine). So they give them to me. I walk by their desks, and they just hand them to me! It is brilliant!
I’ve got enough points collected now that I could get a free “upgrade” on a rental car, or a hat that says “American Idol,” or a free medium two-topping pizza from Domino’s.
And I can’t stop myself anymore. I just keep collecting these caps. They flow to me without compulsory means.
But it is getting out of hand. I mean, some days they give me more caps than I am allowed to enter in a day (10 is the limit).
Good thing I have Saturday to catch up on the overstock!
And if I happen to be walking past a garbage can, and I see that someone has carelessly placed their empty bottle into the waste receptacle, I glance around me to see if no one is looking, I might pick the bottle up, unscrew the cap, and place the bottle carefully back in, quietly slipping the cap into my pocket.
But only if it is right on top. I never go digging! I have my dignity!
So, yes, I have an addiction. To Coke points.
Oh, I really don’t like the taste of colas. And I think the sodas, and juices, and bottled waters are generally overpriced, so I don’t typically bring myself to purchase them. But I want to collect enough points to get some free stuff.
So if you aren’t close enough to hand me your cap to a Coke, Sprite, Dasani, Minute Maid, or Power-Aid beverage, go ahead and email me your code. Feed my addiction!
Oh, um, before I step away from the microphone, did I mention that a two litter bottle is only $0.67 at Albertson’s this week, when you purchase in quantities of three?
Um, alright then. I’m done. Thank you.