How to Become OCD in 10 Easy Steps (not for the weak of stomach)

1.  Use a public restroom, or better yet, observe a public restroom.  Note the lack of handwashing.  Now you’re trapped!  Wait for someone else to open the door and slip out behind them or grab a paper towel and brave it yourself.

2.  Visit a retail dressing room.  Better yet, work at a retail store and clean one out regularly.  On second though, don’t.

3.  Enjoy a relaxing meal at your local McDonald’s, but make sure this fine dining establishment is equipped with an indoor playground.  Ah, the wonderful sounds of children enjoying themselves!  Does the janitorial staff really fit inside the play equipment?

4.  Work as a bank teller.  Between the canine digested (and passed) bills being exchanged and the chili dog covered miniature poodle sitting on your counter, you’ll get the picture.

5.  Have you ever seen somebody sneeze and then immediately shake hands with another person?  Nothing says “Gee, sir (or madame), I would love to work for your company!” like sharing saliva. 

6.  Stand in line in front of someone hacking out a lung during cold and flu season.  Inhale the fresh air!

7.  On your next plane ride, enjoy your flight while the passenger next to you is incessantly “ripping one.”  (Hey, Mom, I didn’t use the word fart!)  Okay, so maybe this is just kind of nasty, but you might become OCD about where the emergency exits and oxygen masks are.

8.  Three words for you.  Doc’s Pizza Buffet.

9.  On any given weekday, ask my mom about how her day at work in the food service industry was.

10.  While eating out, watch as the kid at a table near yours sucks on the cap of a ketchup bottle like it’s a baby’s bottle.  Guzzle, guzzle!  You know it’s bad when his own dad has to search out another bottle from another table to get some ketchup.

If these 10 steps don’t provide adequate results, you may consider professional help.


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