Does God play the accordion?

Does God play the accordion?

No, really. I think it is a good question.

People, with various assumed roles of authority, tell me that God can do everything. He is all-powerful, all-knowing, etc.

I heard someone once hypothesize that God cannot give His earthly children talents which He Himself does not already possess.

So I want to know if He plays the accordion?

Going on the above theory, I would reason He must be good at it – better than the best earthly talents we have ever seen, or will ever see. Pietro Deiro, Pietro Frosini, Charles Magnante, Anthony Galla-Rini, Charles Nunzio, Guido Deiro, Daniel Desiderio, John Gart, Joe Biviano, Carmen Carrozza, Weird Al Yankovic, and J. Ryan Beardall – all are good, but God must be greater!

I wonder if He plays “by ear” or uses sheet music? He must have good hearing – after all, the same theory would say that He can hear better than all of His creations. That would include the high noises that dogs can detect, as well as a pin dropping on the other side of the universe, right?

Might I one day approach the heavenly throne, and hear “Lady of Spain” emanating from the divine light? “Just getting in some practice time,” He will explain as He unstraps the instrument.

In my limited earthly understanding, to be that good means that He has practiced a lot. You don’t get to be that good just by picking it up and playing the first time.

When He says He that feels like He has been playing the accordion for an eternity, might He actually mean it?

Granted, these questions are perhaps not pertinent to my eternal salvation. The scriptures speak of “Hope, Faith, Repentance, Baptism, and Accordion Lessons” roughly in that order.

This leads me to one other important question. What about football? Does the Almighty toss the pigskin? Seriously, does He don his shoulder pads and helmet and run the gridiron at spring training? If the prophet happens to ask for revelation in the right time and catches God in the right mood, might the response be a new proverb, “You can’t win the title in August but you can certainly lose it.”

I think it only stands to reason. And since He plays football, He is going to need an accordionist to play in the band to cheer Him on!

After all, He can’t play both at the same time, can He. . .?

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