Dear Senator (hic) yew r stup ud sissy… (hic)

I read this sentence…

Patrons in Oregon bars downed brews while writing lawmakers to oppose a proposed beer tax increase.

…part of a larger article about “sin taxes” going into effect across the country. And I wondered to myself, did anyone save a copy of those letters? Because they might be fun to read. Especially as more beverages were consumed throughout the evening.

(insert dream-sequence background music here)

Dear Honorable Senator, (first round)
It has come to my attention that you have proposed increasing taxes on adult-beverages. (second round)
I find this deplorable and intolleratedable. (third round) It costeds me alot to drink as it is, an I dont’ have more money to bee taxing. (fourth round) Y donut you mind yur own danged bizness? ifn I want’ a drink, I’ll have a drink! (fifth round) i pay your celery, u shuld list’n 2 me! (sixth round) y donnut u go home, you sissy, an leaf me a lone! U stup ud sissy!
(signed)
“You’re Mom” (giggle and high five neighbors)