Daylight Dummy Time

It’s a conspiracy, I tell you!

It used to be, for more years than I can remember, that at the beginning of every April the government would have us turn our clocks forward. In effect, we’d give up an hour of our lives, at the demands of the law. Then every October, like clockwork, we’d switch our clocks back, and the government would happily claim that we were “gaining an hour!” Officials made it sound like we are getting a new hour. In reality, they were just giving us back the same hour! No interest gained! No thank you! Just a pretty name assigned to the hour we complacently sacrificed earlier in the spring.

More recently in 2007, an act of congress told us that we would somehow save more energy if we extended the time from March to November! And like uninformed, compliant citizens, we went along with it.

So now, even earlier than before, we all “spring” our clocks forward and “fall” our clocks back. Twice-a-year. Running-ourselves-ragged. Maybe when this tradition started, there was only one grandfather clock in the home. But now, how many clocks do I find myself having to change over? Dozens of digital devices – and each one has a slightly different procedure to remember.

Offer void in Arizona and Hawaii. They retained sanity and do not participate in the ritual. Aloha!

So here is the real heart of the conspiracy. I demand to know what the government is doing with my hour from March until November? I have noticed absolutely no difference in the amount of energy I am supposedly saving, so I don’t believe that excuse. No, I think this goes much deeper…

You see, every year, between March and November, a number of citizens pass away. They obediently surrender their hour in March, and die before the hour is returned to them in November. One hour for  each of the deceased.

What is being done with their hours?

I believe that these hours being stored up in a secret underground bunker. Then, they are being brought out and given to top federal officials.

I have solid evidence to support this. How else can you explain how the President has time to fit in an exercise routine, all those state dinners, his family responsibilities, sleep, run for reelection, and still govern the country? The only answer can be that he is using up those extra hours for himself. Pulling a couple of them out of storage each day and adding them to his own schedule!

Besides, have you ever compared a photograph of the president at the beginning of his term with one taken at the end? You’ll notice he will appear to age much more than the average citizen would in four years. The answer is simple. Because he has been applying those extra hours for himself, he has effectively aged longer than the rest of the population – and his photo cannot hide it.

It is not just the current president – compare the before-and-after photos of any of our past leaders, and you will find that this has been going on for quite some time, right under the public’s noses!

I say we should not take it anymore! We must demand that Daylight Dummy Time laws be repealed immediately! Our president cannot have more hours than the rest of us, and our elderly should not die an hour too soon!


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