Robert Jeffress, I’m calling you out!
You sir, are not a true Republican!
I’m making my claim, right here before the entire world wide web! Now, go ahead and try to prove that you are!
Hey, why are you shaking your head at me? I just declared before the world, with the authority that I possess because of my membership in the real Republican Party, that you, sir, are not a true Republican.
Don’t you turn and walk away from me. I’m trying to pick a fight, and I expect you to stay here and finish it.
What is that lame excuse you are offering? So you introduced a republican presidential hopeful at a campaign stop? You think that makes you a true Republican? Big deal!
You sir, do not believe in the “historical” Grand Old Party. Rather, your views of the GOP have been tainted by big oil capitalists who founded your state, diggers of liquid gold. I know – I learned this from watching the opening theme song from an authoritative documentary on Nick at Nite titled “The Beverly Hillbillies”. What did your gold-striking ancestors do next? Headed straight for liberal California!
You and your little faction of Texas Republican friends are not truly conservative enough to be called true Republicans.
As if that were not enough, look at this fact: You work and live in the Dallas area. Your branch Republican headquarters is located in Dallas. That is the same city where President John F. Kennedy, a DEMOCRAT, was killed. Therefore, I declare by the power invested in me that you, and your fellow Dallas Republicans cult, cannot be correct. You are simply too close to Democrat history. It cannot be possible for you to think clearly and conservatively enough, shrouded by this tender Democratic memory in your midst. Why I bet that there is even a memorial there to the event.
Don’t try to deny it. It is the truth. Search your heart. You know it is true.
Oh, you may be good, moral people. You might talk conservative values.
But take it from me. I am a true Republican. I know what I am speaking about.
You sir, are not a true Republican.