Back in 1992, after reading one-too-many of those Christmastime newsletters – you know, the ones where the neighbors brag about all their accomplishments, and everything has a positive spin – I was inspired to go and create my own. Enjoy!
The Funilley Family Newsletter
January – December 1992
Greetings, friends! It is that wonderful time of year again! And as usual, we wanted to let you know how our year went.
You may have noticed that first of all, this year’s newsletter is only one page long. This is because of the little house-fire lawsuit that took place last December. It seems that our 17 page newsletter we passed out ended up getting to close to the Fruiteleo’s fire place and it caused that 3 alarm fire in their living room. The jury found in the Fruiteleo’s favor and fined us an arm and a leg. Just because the Fruiteleo’s run an antique shop out of their front room, they think that it is worth a couple million more that the rest of us. Huh! Well, anyway, it has certainly been tricky for Jim to learn to get around with the artificial leg, though he did recently get his drivers licence! We were so thrilled, that we sent cards to everyone we know (except the Fruiteleos. The jury ordered us to not give them any non-legal paper documents).
Last February, our daughter Marcie won the Humane Society Bake-Offs! She entered her famous “Fruit Loop and Apple Jacks Soup-Flay”. The competition was rather easy though, because someone accidentally let the dogs out of the left wing, and Marcie’s and Thelma Glover’s dishes were the only ones that didn’t get eaten. Thelma Glover made a Charbroiled candy cane thing, using the candy canes leftover from their family Christmas tree. The judges didn’t want to try that, because the dogs had licked a little bit of the candy canes and so Marcie’s won by default. Marcie’s prize was a full set of the Encyclopedia Britannica, donated by the police chief. She used it to get an A on her college report “Why Cirrus Clouds Don’t Ever Look Like Elvis”.
Our life was not always peachy. Our family was devastated when Jim’s Great Uncle’s Sister passed away, the same week that my third cousin had her wedding shower. Jim got the news while I was gone, and so I came home and found he had wept so hard the tears soaked through his pants and started to rust his artificial leg! We got a big dry cleaning bill out of that episode.
We have been looking at getting a new computer. The one we have now is getting old and it sometimes goofs up and adds extra things we don’t want on our papers. Document to be saved: A:HISTORY.92 – Replace A:HISTORY.92? (Y/N) y – Saving A:HISTORY.92
There is so much more I would like to tell you, but there is just not enough room. If you will give me a call, we’ll set up a time and I’ll put on a pot of orange juice. Once again, have a happy and safe holiday season (Yes, even the Fruiteleo’s). See you next year!
All of the Funilley Family.