Saturday, September 19, 2009 – Provo, UT
Following tonight’s devastating blow dealt to Brigham Young University Cougar fans, convenience stores on the outskirts of BYU campus reported an unusual run on carbonated beverages.
“They are really taking this one hard,” reported a Maverick store owner. “We’ve been seeing some of them even coming back in and trying to sneak free refills, which is unheard of.”
At the Chevron station, a clerk recognized her visiting teacher purchasing a two liter container of caffeinated cola. “She tried to slip into another clerk’s line when she saw me, but I’d already saw her first. I’m so going to let the Bishop know about this tomorrow morning, for sure!”
The effects were felt as far wide as the Flying J. store in neighboring Springville. Clerks stationed there were explaining to customers in line that they could put away their ID, as it was not legally required to purchase “Apple Beer” and “Root Beer.” One clerk was disciplined by his manager, who caught him using a made-up a story about a recent change in state liquor laws making it unnecessary to show an ID.