Everything I need to know in life, I learned from watching ‘I Love Lucy’

* With all that knitting going on, people will naturally start drafting conclusions * Everyone should write at least one play, one novel, and one operetta, and create one sculpture in their lifetime * If you cannot decide how to celebrate your wedding anniversary, get separate dates with the same dating service * A happy little loaf of bread will rise with a full cake of yeast * Be sure that you have a valid marriage license before you practice marriage together * Kleptomania is sweeping the nation! * Keep an updated file photo in your resume * A side of beef won’t fit in the freezer * Take your Vitameatavegamin every day * Cheating will get you nowhere, but dumb luck will win the grand-prize in the bonus-round * It is important to stay organized and keep a schedule * A pound of rice per person will be plenty to serve dinner * Grace Foster will be happy to help you with your surprise anniversary present * Never get caught without a spare handcuffs key * Real French perfume will cost half price in Mexico, so if you buy it you’ll save twice as much (besides, no one can actually afford to buy it in France anyway) * Televisions do not make good neighborly gifts * Pick the right moment to tell your sweetie that you are enceinte * The birth of your baby is so special, you should dress up for it * Some people have just “got no sales resistance” * Never accept at face value an explanation for a black eye * A woman has a right to change her mind over and over * Your lease clearly says no children or pets are allowed * Being an unwitting third party in a love triangle is a bit embarrassing * You can always pay for things out of your allowance * Washing machines do not make good neighborly sales transactions * Friendship awards ceremonies bring out the best in everyone * Husbands are such sloppy dressers * Carlotta Romero is a can’t-miss, must-see show * Put on your best clothes and manners when the people from the TV or magazine are coming by * John Wayne’s footprints would look great in your home * Every train has a jewel thief onboard * Know the difference between a radio show and a rodeo show * Have proof that you were really born * You can get a better exchange rate on the street corner, and see parts of Paris that most tourists never do * Avoid excess airline weight charges by disguising foreign cheese as a human baby * Superman is a hit at children’s birthday parties * Don’t get overdrawn at the bank; those tellers are always telling someone something * To get a Frenchman across the Mexican border without a passport, simply win a bullfight * In France, they have ‘Masculine’ and ‘Feminine’ – in America, you do not have that * Always do whatever it takes to get into the show * Take it from Aunt Sally – spend more money on your pralines than you do on your signs * When taking a road trip, plan your dining and lodging options carefully and well in advance * Smoking is hazardous to your nose * The best way to pass the buck is “We’ll wait until daddy comes home and ask him” * You’ll be the one to learn the lesson when you try to teach someone else a lesson * You can squeeze four people onto two seats at the theater * Raising five hundred chickens is not cheap * Don’t get too chummy with the neighbors too quickly * Building a backyard Bar-B-Q certainly has a ring to it * The sultry young blonde at the dance is about as blond as Lucy is red-headed * Take a look at the Alaskan property before you put your money down * If you’ve got a horse in the race, personally take the reins * No problem is too difficult to solve with the help of your best friends *

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